April 2nd was World Autism Awareness Day to raise awareness about people with autistic spectrum disorders including autism and Asperger syndrome throughout the world. Throughout April, you may notice the world showing their support in various ways.
At the age of 4, my oldest and only son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ASD is a condition related to brain development. It impacts the way a person perceives and socializes with others. ASD can make social interactions and communicating with others difficult. There can be some limited and repetitive patterns of behavior.

Now, my son is 13, a teenager. Growing as a parent, understanding him and his “normal” has been challenging and rewarding. He had a lot of issues with socializing and trying to make friends since the age of 4. Any environment with heightened noise levels was hard for him. This also included the classroom. He had behavioral issues because of it. At home, he was perfectly fine. Except, he loves being tucked away in his room. He loves his own company and entertaining himself. He has no issues being his own best-friend. Some may think of this as social isolating or being introverted. He can go between both.

At school, he has a select few friends he chooses to talk to. He has begun to express his interest in a girl or two. We discuss college. We talk about his interests which includes his beat making that he uploads on sound cloud here. All these things may seem quite “normal” for a child not on the spectrum. As a parent of a child with ASD, I praise these milestones because I had no idea what my son’s “normal” would look like. I had to adjust my idea of “normal” and start over so that I became the learner-parent.

A month ago, he was sent home with a packet to complete over a 2-week period as the world was trying to brace for what was to come with the early onset of the pandemic. He was totally fine with working on his own and being tucked away in his room. As his mom, I wanted to process what was going on and for what could possibly happen as COVID-19 progressed. He assured me he was fine and often would appear to be annoyed that I wanted to discuss or continue to check in with him to make sure he was fine. Deep down, I knew he was fine with staying home. My son is not a huge talker, he will speak when he has something to say or ask. He sticks to himself, however in talking with him, he understood the severity of it all. He understood that him staying home was for the best.

I think I was more worried than he was. Being home in his space to create and learn was something he had no issue with doing. I make sure he takes breaks away from all screens. I made sure he goes outside for air by either sitting on the porch or patio. I also included movie time for him and me just to shake up the routine a bit. Because he has no problem isolating himself, I make sure to not allow him to do it for long periods of time while also allowing him the autonomy to do so.

Another thing I have set up in my home is a “chill ONLY zone.” This is basically an area where anyone can retreat when they are feeling high stress or having a hard time. In the Co-zone, you have the space to use your own coping skills and self-care as needed. Everyone is aware of how to use the space and its purpose. There cannot be high activity in this space. Some items I have in the space include puzzles, coloring books, incense, a diffuser, fun writing activities, headphones for listening to music or meditations, a pillow and blanket.

COVID-19 has been such an unfortunate event. However, it has given a much-needed break from all the fast-paced living and constant noise that we endure daily that prevents us from slowing down or simply being still. For my son, the world has finally slowed and quieted down in way that normalizes the way he sees it. And, I support that!

How have you supported your loved one on the spectrum or Asperger’s during COVID-19?

Has there been a huge shift in their adjusting?

Here are some resources that I hope you find useful during this unprecedented time.
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Free Online Mindfulness Meditations for Kids
Emotional Regulation in Autism Toolkit
Highlights Kids
6 Homemade Playdough Recipes

Depression can be defined as feeling sad for weeks or months and not just a day or two. Depression can be accompanied by a huge hole of emptiness inside, lack of energy and no pleasure in things once enjoyed. To be clear, clinical depression is different from normal sadness. Clinical depression interferes with one’s work or school, relationships with others and ability to enjoy life. However, clinical depression is treatable with modern antidepressant medications and goal-orientated psychotherapy.

No two people experience depression the same. Some people may not seem sad while others can be unmotivated to do anything like eat or get dressed. These tasks can become large obstacles in their daily life. When friends and family notice these changes, it is alright to say something.

Show your loved one how you are on their side. Avoid saying asking them, “Why can’t you just get dressed/eat/get out of bed?”

Instead say, “You seem to have trouble getting dressed/getting out of bed/eating. What can I do to help you in this area?”

Never ask what their problem is or invalidate their feelings by telling them they are upset about nothing. Instead express your support by stating, “You seem to be finding this issue a big deal at the moment. How can we solve it together?”

Since many people suffering from depression have lost their ability to recognize their positive attributes, giving plenty of reassurance can also be very helpful.

People with depression can spend a lot of time reflecting on their situation. Give understanding and sympathy by sometimes doing nothing but merely listening. Offer a hug or to hold them for a moment. This also conveys how you are there for them.

Try not to be offended if your loved one asks you to leave them alone. Sometimes, that is the most helpful thing you can do at that moment. It is also important to accept the person where they are and not let it totally consume your life. You too have to take care of yourself. Set healthy boundaries. Know your limits as to how you can commit to helping them while balancing your own needs so you can recharge and look after them the best way possible.

Other things you can ask of your depressed loved one are:

• Can I relive your stress in any way?
• What do you think might help you feel better?
• Is there something I can do for you?

Offer to fix your loved one lunch, tidy up their place, take them out for coffee or a movie. No one thinks twice about doing or offering these things for someone who is going through chemo. Why not go there for a person battling a serious mood disorder? 

The term drug is used to describe all mood-altering substances including alcohol and other sedative-hypnotics, opioids, stimulants and psychedelic drugs.

Thinking and talking about cravings for alcohol and other drugs can make some people crave them more. However, thinking and dreaming about alcohol and other drugs is a natural part of recovery. Learning how to stop these thoughts and turning them into cravings can help prevent a person from resuming use.

Education about substance use is important. Learning how resume of use occurs, how to prevent it and identify signs that lead up to it, people can prevent returning back to using. People, places and things are connected to the use of alcohol or other drugs. Triggers are feelings and experiences tied to people, places and things that are associated with drinking or drug use.

To help identify your triggers, do the following:

• List people with whom you almost always used alcohol and other drugs
• List people with whom you never used alcohol or other drugs
• List places where and activities you regularly used alcohol or other drugs
• List places where and activities you didn’t use alcohol or other drugs
  
  

There are internal, external and sensory triggers. All of these combined usually work together to create a drug craving. Internal triggers are feelings people have before or during drinking or using drugs (angry, lonely, depressed, sad, bored, etc.). External triggers are people, places and things associated with drinking or using drugs (old neighborhood, holidays or people one used to use with). Sensory triggers are related to sight, sound, taste and touch (certain songs, certain foods or drinks).

To help identify internal, external and sensory triggers, do the following:

• Name and describe your internal triggers
• Name and describe your external triggers
• Name and describe your sensory triggers
  
  

The steps in dealing with triggers are identifying, avoiding, interrupting and talking about them. Once you identify what your triggers are, for example, certain high-risk situations or people, start avoiding them. For the triggers that cannot be avoided, interrupt them by keeping yourself occupied, attending a self-help meeting, spend time with clean and sober friends or family, etc. Planning ahead is the key to avoiding falling back into old habits and routines. Lastly, talk about it! Do not keep silent as this could allow your cravings time to build up and potentially lead to resume of use. Talking about triggers in a self-help meeting or therapy session can weaken the power of triggers.

To help deal with triggers, do the following:

• Name 3 strong triggers and 3 ways they can be avoided
• Name 3 unavoidable triggers and 3 ways they can be interrupted
• Name 3 ways to reduce the power of triggers
  
  

There are 4 steps that lead from trigger to resume of use. First is the trigger in itself that goes to work automatically. Second, the trigger turns into a thought. Third, with the continued thought, a craving happens at this point with some physical change (anxious, nervousness, sweaty palms, etc.) Fourth, resuming use after the craving grew and physical changes affect the person, making it easier to decide to use. This process can be occurring in your brain without realizing how powerful it is.

Developing skills and tools in recovery is vital as sobriety is an ongoing process. Therapy and self-help meetings can help you develop a new set of important skills that will help with stopping triggers from leading to relapse. 

Methadone can be used to treat persons with an opiate use disorder. Methadone works by occupying areas of the brain that opiates target to prevent withdrawal symptoms or make them less severe for those that have stopped using opiates. Methadone also helps with eliminating cravings for opiates. Withdrawal symptoms include:

• Sweating
• Aches and pains
• Restlessness
• Tremor
• Diarrhea
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Stomach cramps
• Runny eyes and nose
• Feeling hot and cold

 
Many people stay on methadone long-term and some people gradually reduce their dose to completely stop taking methadone. Methadone should not be taken with any other illicit substances and alcohol. The impact of mixing benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, etc.) and methadone can be deadly. There is an increased risk of overdose when benzodiazepines are taken with Methadone. Since Methadone is a depressant that slows the central nervous system, which includes heart rate and breathing, so does benzodiazepines. As a result, the combination of taking the two can slow the heart rate, risking the heart for cardiac arrest and stopping one from breathing.
 
Methadone can be prescribed and lasts longer in the body to help those with an opiate use disorder once someone stops using. Most persons are referred to a community treatment center for assessment. Most treatment facilities have a general practitioner on site that can complete the assessment. The assessment usually includes taking details of the person’s health, social circumstances, past and current drug taking, identifying if methadone is needed or appropriate, an examination, urine analysis to confirm any illicit substances being used and assessment of what the person needs are at this time. In addition, to those that may have been using heroin intravenously, a blood test for HIV, liver function and Hepatitis A, B and C are conducted.
 
After the assessment, an initial low dose is prescribed. The low dose is prescribed out of safety and can be adjusted frequently. This stage is very important because this is the phase where a regular maintenance dose is identified over a few week period. The maximum effect can vary person to person as it takes 2-4 hours for Methadone to reach its peak effect level.  
 
Once the correct dose is identified, the person is now in what is called Methadone maintenance. Methadone is a once-daily liquid dose taken under supervision of a nurse or pharmacist who dispenses it. Methadone must be taken regularly and if three or more doses are missed, the body may lose its ability to break down the drug. If three or more doses are missed, persons can return to taking Methadone, but at a lower dose. Some people that have been on Methadone for a while will want to detox. This often takes years as it is safer to stay on Methadone than to detox before the person is ready.
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People that use Methadone are more likely to stay off heroin if they are supported by friends and family. Too often, family and friends do not support persons with opiate use disorders because of their lack of knowledge regarding Methadone. Methadone is a drug used to help those persons with an opiate use disorder so they no longer use opiates. It can be viewed as taking medication for high blood pressure or insulin for type 2 diabetes. The way people can change their diet to reverse type 2 diabetes while taking medication is the same as those using Methadone to reverse their opiate use disorder. Support from loved ones goes a long way for a person using Methadone. Persons with opiate use disorders also do well when attending outpatient treatment coupled with group and individualized therapy. It is much harder to do it alone.
 
Please educate a friend, coworker and loved one on the benefits of supporting a person with opiate use disorder when they have made the choice to use Methadone in their recovery efforts. There are plenty of successful people around us, you may never know, that have or currently use Methadone. As America is going through the opioid epidemic, being educated on the various ways Methadone can help just might save your loved one’s life.

People who are critical of others point out others perceived flaws. Many of us have grown up with painful criticism. Painful criticism can be toxic to anyone’s well-being. Being criticized as an adult can trigger suppressed pain and as a result, one either withdraw themselves or lashes out on others. Either action is counterproductive to one’s well-being.

Sometimes, painful criticism can trigger shame causing one to revert back to the hurt child who could never do anything right. Shame can be an extremely painful emotion. When shame is triggered, some people find ways to not feel such as cutting, overeating, or using illicit substances. Shame can feel very threatening as it dysregulates the nervous system. Practice mindfulness by noticing it, allowing it some space and realizing when it has arisen. Understand that you are not the shame.

You have no control over how others perceive you. You do have control over how you hold and view yourself. Find your inner strength and accept your lovely, unique human flaws. The key to doing this is building mental strength by what you do and don’t do.

1. Say “NO” – One of the best words spoken! Know when to say it and don’t feel shame or guilt about it.
   
   
2. People-Pleasing – Accept someone telling you “no” as it works both ways. Embrace the fact that social rejection is unavoidable. Most importantly, you will live!
   
   
3. Relationships – Cultivate healthy relationships with yourself first. This relationship speaks volumes and sets the tone for how others should treat you. Be in the business of reevaluating your relationships with yourself and others on a regular basis.
   
   
4. Be Kind – Be considerate and helpful without any obligations.
   
   
5. Acceptance – Differentiate what you can and cannot control so you can feel your best, discover new options, opportunities and happiness.
   
   
6. Adaptability – Adapt to change with haste and stay reasonable in challenging or unforeseen situations.
   
   
7. Emotional Acumen – You can effectively resolve your past trauma and grow as a human being because of your ability to recognize what exactly you feel, why and what it means to your existence. Express empathy and compassion for yourself first and others.
   
   
8. Present State of Mind – Live in reality in order to maintain a high level of awareness. Accept the situation as is without compromising your emotions, being stuck in the past or constantly worrying about the future. Use reason, logic, observation and common sense to conceptualize reality.
   
   
9. Being Proactive – When there is a problem, weigh your options and make a practical decision taking in your emotions, thoughts and motives so you can enjoy life even through the ups and downs.
   
   
10. Sense of Self - Know yourself and how to deal with your emotions. Don’t take your emotions out on people or allow people to take theirs out on you.
    
    

Don’t take what people do, feel, think or say personal because you are wonderful regardless of their opinions. As humans, we are all dealing with our own shit – feelings, perceptions and opinions. Other people’s judgments are not superior. They are simply expressing their own subjective standard as it relates to their experiences. You’d be foolish to argue someone’s taste or preferences.

Don’t allow a compliment or criticism to affect you. Instead, trust your own judgment and know what is best for you. You don’t need other’s approval because you know your strengths and limitations so again, accept your perfect imperfections and mistakes. Acknowledge and reward your successes despite anyone’s recognition. People are going to have their own opinions no matter what.

​In the end, yours is the only one that matters!

 Every day without using can be uncomfortable especially when trying to practice and implement new recovery skills. This alone makes the first 90 days of recovery very critical. The first 90 days has been known as where most relapses occur.

When in recovery, you give up more than a substance, but also behaviors. If you are returning home from treatment, everything you left (friends, job, family, etc.) can be overwhelming. Recovery can be difficult to manage without structure, a routine and consistency. Without these things, recovery can collapse. Below are 12 critical tools for surviving the first 90 days of recovery. 

1. Create a recovery environment – get rid of anything in your home that’s related to using (alcohol, pills, or any other addictive substances or objects) that is easily accessible. Don’t think twice and if it seems difficult, ask for help from a loved one, another sober support or sponsor.
   
   
2. Create a daily routine – it has to be one you can keep to avoid being idle and leaving time open for your thoughts to wander back to using again. Your schedule can include going to 12-step meetings, doctor or therapy appointments, spending time with family, sleeping, work, exercising, etc. In addition, make appointments for any past annual check-ups or dental visits.
   
   
3. Give thanks for each day – express gratitude for your successes, lessons learned and accomplishments. Thank yourself, God or a higher power. Try to practice this daily by putting your feelings of gratefulness out there. Even the most stressful or frustrating day deserves acknowledgement because you made it through and faced its challenges making you better equipped to face another day.
   
   
4. Learn your triggers – identify what can push you towards relapse. This is extremely important because initially, your triggers can be hard to manage, especially without the proper tools to help you fend off cravings to use. If it helps, write your triggers down so you know what to do when you experience a trigger.
   
   
5. Identify and practice healthy coping skills – cleaning, calling your sponsor, going to several meetings throughout the day or week, completing crossword puzzles, reading a book,  etc. Most cravings and urges usually last about 20 minute so if you apply any of your coping skills, you will begin to set the tone for various ways you can help yourself to stay sober.
   
   
6. Attend meetings – there is value in attending 12-step meetings. They are highly recommended and often a necessity for your recovery. Attending meetings can help you in troubling times or when you feel triggered. It is encouraged to attend 90 meetings in 90 days in your first 90 days of recovery.
   
   
7. Find a sponsor – finding a sponsor should be a high priority if you attend 12-step meetings. A sponsor will be your go-to person in times of crisis.
   
   
8. Sleep and diet – recovery also involves taking care of your physical needs (proper nutrition and rest). Consult with your primary care physician on what proper nutrition means for you. This is important because you may be recovering from the effects of your addiction or complications related to using (type 2 diabetes, compromised immune system, anemia, etc.). Addiction disrupts your body’s circadian rhythms making it difficult to fall or say asleep without using so try to get seven to nine hours of solid sleep per night.
   
   
9. Exercise - exercise does not necessarily mean going to the gym, but can include taking brisk walks, jogging, riding a bike, taking a hike or going to your local recreation center. 
   
   
10. Limit social engagements – the first 90 days is not the time to revamp your social life. Save this for when you are more confident in your ability to maintain your recovery in all situations (people, places and things) and are feeling strong as well as healthy.
    
    
11. Develop Goals - this could be your personal treatment plan to yourself as to what you want to achieve short and long-term. These goals could be obtaining your GED, gaining employment or any other ideas you identify to help you get close to your long-term goals.  
    
    
12. Continue to see a therapist – it is common to experience periods of sadness or feeling blue especially in your first 90 days. If you are taking prescribed medications to ease cravings, withdrawals and/or mental health issues, do not stop any treatment regimen on your own; please consult with your therapist and/or physician first.
    
    

​Take your time and be gentle with yourself to avoid the pressure of trying to achieve all you want or believe you need to do. Recovery is a lifestyle, a lifelong journey and not a race. 

​Is your body living in the present, but your mind is in the past or future? Do you have resentments, guilt, or shame from your past? Are you afraid of current circumstances causing you displeasure continuing in your future?

The voice of the ego-mind makes us believe we can only achieve internal peace based on what happens in the world around us.

The philosopher Wittgenstein stated, “The eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.” When you do not allow yourself to experience any moment for itself, you stop time.

The past is said and done. What remains to be seen is what you can bring to your present and future. You always have the power to decide that any poor decision you made in the past does not have to be repeated in the present.

Be motivated by having been treated unfairly in the past to treat yourself fairly in the present. You have better things to do than rake yourself over the coals because of your past. What you tell yourself today is way more important than what others have told you in your past.

Shift your thinking to understand how past experiences do not represent you. Instead, your past experiences represent things you have experienced. Your past does not make you a better or worse person nor is it your enemy. The enemy is your way of thinking about your past. Use your past to make you emotionally strong in your present.
​
Let’s face it; the past is not going to get any better! 

Growing up, the parent-child relationship is the first social relationship we experience. Children who grow up in a household where their feelings are not acknowledged, validated or responded to sufficiently learn their emotions are not valid, unacceptable to others, or don't matter and they must ignore, neutralize, devalue or push away their emotions. The child now knows how to disconnect from their own feelings.

Some children grow up with parents or caretakers that treat them as though they are not lovable. They then develop the idea that they are the problem or something is wrong with them. The truth is that the child received uncaring treatment by an unhappy and/or emotionally limited parent.

As an adult, the feelings of emptiness from childhood become a vital part of ones being. Emptiness can be described as something missing inside of you; a disconnection from yourself and others caused by absence of feeling. Physically, your body could feel as though there is an empty space in your belly, chest or other parts of your body.

As an adult, people who have emptiness often care for others better than they care for themselves. They can put a smile on their face, never giving away their emptiness. Adults that do not feel worthwhile may suffer from depression and lack confidence.

If this resonates with you, please know you can begin to give yourself the emotional attention you did not get as a child. You can begin to accept your own feelings as an expression of your true self without feeling or believing you are weak. Pay attention to what you want and need while using your voice to ask for them.

Take time to practice positive self-talk to eliminate your inner critic. Start showering yourself with self-acceptance and self-love by appreciating the good qualities you have.

Take great care of yourself. This can include forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and eliminating any guilt or shame associated with feeling empty or worthless. Relationships that are toxic, find a way to end them so you can treat yourself with the self-compassion you deserve.

Engage with others in a meaningful way to take a step towards healing your emptiness. Others may feel the same thing, but do not express it, so you could be offering a gift that helps them. Every human being has value.

Work on your inner child to give your adult you a better life. You can heal!

Growing up, you may have discovered ways to make yourself feel better when you had been hurt or felt bad. Some self-soothing ways could have included playing with your dog, favorite doll or toy truck. As an adult, when you felt uncomfortable, upset, anxious or irritated, you may have turned to negative self-soothing techniques to make yourself feel better as quickly as possible. Some of these things included:

​

1. Drinking alcohol or using illicit substances - Excessive use of alcohol and illicit substances to self-sooth can lead to an addiction or losing self-control to the point you are being taken advantage. Substance use can also lead to brain damage and death.
   
   
2. Overeating – Eating to self-sooth can cause weight gain, poor body image and poor health.
   
   
3. Self-Cutting – Cutting to self-sooth creates permanent scars, possible infection, pain and embarrassment.

These things may have made you feel better at first, but later worsened your situation. If you are using any of these negative self-harm techniques now, there are safer ways that can work for you.  Try any of these 10 self-soothing techniques to feel better about yourself or any situation.

1. Relaxation exercises – download a relaxation app and listen to relaxing sounds from nature (waterfalls, bird calls, whales, etc.) or take a walk.
   
   
2. Play – find time to play an old-school board game (Monopoly, Clue or Scrabble), charades, hangman, romp around in the grass with a dog or flag football with friends. You can also play tag, hide and seek or blow bubbles.
   
   
3. Be present in the moment – this is known as mindfulness. Try to not focus on the future or the past in order to fully experience the present. For example, engage 3 of your senses by taking a long and close look at a flower, touch and smell it.
   
   
4. Learn – are you interested in learning something new, but never explored it? Look for ways you can make this happen. Or, you may want to look at something in a new way such as reading a poem or scripture to find new meaning in it. Watch a TED talk about something you know nothing about.
   
   
5. Finish the little things – accomplishing even the smallest thing usually helps you feel better. If you have been putting off easy things you have been meaning to do for a while (cleaning out a drawer, dusting a bookcase, sending someone a thank you note). Do it!
   
   
6. Spiritual resources – prayer, meditation or reading affirmations, etc. Whatever feels right to you, try it and keep in mind, spiritual work does not necessarily occur within the bounds of an organized religion.
   
   
7. Be creative – make a sculpture, paint or draw. It does not matter if you have never done any of these things. Shifting your focus on one of these tasks can make you feel better.
   
   
8. Go to any kind of a museum – pick a piece to observe, stare at it and let it spark a story.
   
   
9. Write – journal about 5 things that make you smile or write a 5-line poem about your favorite song, food or a funny memory.
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10. Try a new food – pick a fruit, veggie or dessert you never tried before and do this once a week.

Remember, each day you can help yourself feel better by doing many good things that do not involve cutting, overeating or using alcohol or illicit substances. You are in control of your life. Do something fun, creative, uplifting, interesting and exciting when self-soothing routine. 

Every day the list expands to the things we can buy and do online. If you live in a rural area and want to go to therapy, but are afraid of running into someone you know, online therapy could be a great option. If you live in an urban area and are super busy from work demands, but want to go to therapy, online therapy could be just for you. Here are 7 pros to online therapy.

1. Online therapy is available to almost anyone as long as you have access to a computer.
   
   
2. You don’t have to leave the comfort of your home and have a session in your pajamas if you like; dress appropriately!
   
   
3. You don’t have to worry about transportation issues (parking, gas, traffic, etc.).
   
   
4. Online therapy can be a way to help you keep your appointments and minimize no-shows at face-to-face sessions.
   
   
5. Online therapy can be flexible with your life where you can have a late night session when the children are sleep since you could not make it to a face-to-face session due to lack of childcare. This is a two for one!!!
   
   
6. Online therapy can be cheaper than face-to-face sessions.
   
   
7. There are a host of online therapy sites to help you choose the right therapist for you (Open Path Collective, Therapy for Black Girls, Thriving Campus, My Tru Circle and Being Seen to name a few) taking away the stress of where to begin your online therapist search.

One con to online therapy would be if you are experiencing a crisis situation. Online therapists are at a distance making it difficult for them to respond fast enough. Therapists can respond, but their approach to the situation when communicating solely online may have to be changed.
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Whether you live in a rural or urban area, online therapy is not for everyone. Some people prefer the face-to-face session and that is totally fine! As long as you are getting the help you need, the delivery method does not matter. Only you can decide if online therapy works best for you and your situation. 

​One’s quality of life can be enhanced by having a positive attitude and sense of general well-being. Improving your mind and memory through mentally stimulating exercises can also help. Keep in mind, happiness takes work. The basic ingredients to being happy includes safety, satiation, perception and quietude.

Safety
Feeling unsafe can bring about fear. This fear creates uncertainty and tension within your body making it hard for you to experience happiness. Ask yourself, “How safe and secure do I feel in my everyday life?”

Satiation
No one has everything they want, but ask yourself, “At this moment, am I full?” Only you can answer this question. You know how much you need to be satiated however, if nothing is ever enough, your search for happiness will never end! You can be happy in this present moment without having everything you want, but you cannot be happy if your life is empty. How satiated are you with your finances, relationships, career, etc.?

Perception
Right now, take the time to reflect on the bigger picture of what your life is all about. Getting caught up in the minuscule details can be derailing you from enjoying the journey, the positive impact you are having on others and within your own life. How pleased are you with your general life situation? Are you grateful for the way your life is turning out?

Quietude
How often do you find yourself in a quiet place where you can have a true moment of reflection? If not every day, at least once a week, find a quiet place where you can get in touch with feeling safe, see how satiated you are and self-reflect for 20 mins. Take a break from your day of being busy and rest. Find the space where you can hear yourself think and have no responsibilities. How often do you have sense of peace of mind? How often do you feel content?

As you reflect on these questions, focus on the ones you struggled with or could not answer. These are the ones that need your attention the most. As you work on these, you move closer to being a happier person.    

We all have experienced stress, anxiety, depression, grief or relationship problems at some point in our lives, right? Many of us have friends or loved ones who are suffering right now and could benefit from therapy. But, how do we tell them to go to therapy?

Telling someone they need therapy can come off very offensive. Therapy itself is still a sensitive issue to talk about. Suggesting to a loved one or friend they need therapy can make them feel as if they are being criticized.

6 Ways to Recommend Therapy:

1. ​Say something sooner than later – try to prevent a larger issue or a full-blown crisis from arising. Avoid minimizing the issue or hoping the problem will go away on its own.
   
   
2. Normalize therapy – you can disclose how you have benefited from therapy. If you haven’t gone to therapy yourself, express empathy by saying something like, “I see how stressed you are with everything going on right now and you deserve real support beyond our conversations. Have you thought about seeing a therapist for help?”
   
   
3. Don’t judge – admitting you need therapy can be hard on its own. Don’t diagnose; leave it to the experts. Say something like, “I notice that you don't seem like yourself. I care about you and think a therapist can help you.”
   
   
4. Be reassuring – let them know therapy does not have to be long term for it to be very effective in resolving their issues. Assure them they can find a compassionate, supportive and objective therapist that will provide the insight and tools to empower them professionally and personally.
   
   
5. Be resourceful – be prepared to share where they can go to find psychiatrists, psychologists or therapists. Psychology Today, many local hospitals and Community Mental Health Centers provide quality and affordable outpatient counseling services, and if they are employed, ask them to check their insurance card or contact HR to inquire about Employee Assistance Program (EAP) benefits. In addition, many schools and Universities offer free or low-cost services. There are also online therapy options such as Open Path for persons from low-income status. Go to openpathcollective.org/ to learn more.
   
   
6. Be supportive – offer to go with them to their first 12 step-program, therapy session or pay for it. If the situation is very serious, consider an intervention or hiring an interventionist. In case of an emergency, always dial 911 or take them to their local emergency room for an evaluation.

 
Don’t let your loved one or friend suffer in silence. Express to them that therapy is not replacing the relationship. If they decide to not go to therapy, you did your part. If the relationship is becoming harmful to you, reevaluate your boundaries with them. You might want to examine if the relationship is worth continuing. We all can benefit from therapy!

Did you have a pen pal as a kid? I loved sitting down, writing and sharing something from my heart, funny or serious. I was able to share my authentic self to someone else in a meaningful way. I remembered how excited I was when my letter arrived in the mail. It was a wonderful experience to hold a letter that someone else took the time and thought to write just for me.

My first pen pal was assigned to me in the 5th grade. She was another 5th grader from Alabama. In the 6th grade, I was assigned my second pen pal from Germany. Both pen pals added so much to my learning because of their cultures as they were different from mines growing up in Illinois.

Writing a letter provides time for us to be ourselves, honest, dream, listen and understanding. It can be hard to embrace ourselves, especially if we’ve been taught that we need to change based on so-called norms in our society and/or culture. Meaningful connections with others have been lost due to our overuse of social media and texting. I love technology and its benefits, but nothing will ever replace the human connection needed within ourselves or from others.

Ways to embrace yourself and connect with others now:

1. Do not wait until you find someone to like or love you - start small by saying one kind thing a day to yourself
2. Do not wait until you lose weight - pick a body part, appreciate it right now and do this at least for a week
3. Share with others, no texting, how you really feel – write a letter to a loved one telling what you love about them and how they support you
4. Give yourself a break – it is okay to rest when you feel exhausted; give yourself permission
5. Avoid criticizing yourself – having a rough week is normal and it is OK if you overate, next time try to turn to something that is more nourishing
6. Tell yourself the truth – how do you want to be treated, what are you not willing to do, what are your needs?
   
   

When we embrace ourselves, we are being kind to ourselves and not judgmental or bashing. When we embrace ourselves, we can see more clearly. This presents a valuable learning opportunity about ourselves, what works and does not work, while identifying a solution to our problems and taking great care of ourselves. If you do not know who you are, now would be the perfect time to be curious instead of angry with yourself. Embracing ourselves can seem like a big, complicated task, but it can be done this minute.

Start now!

There are many things in life we try to control on our own. We try to control what other people do, say and feel about us. Sometimes, we internalize these things. There are also times where we don’t control the things we can. Some days, we just don’t feel like it because it appears as though everything is falling apart in the middle of a life-storm creating a flight or flee response. But even in difficult times, we can get through life-changing events.

As life happens, try to be honest for what’s true for you. Remind yourself, you have power no matter the circumstances that comes your way and with the help of a therapist; you can cultivate a meaningful, fulfilling and compassionate life for yourself. It is empowering to keep in mind that you are not alone.
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Here are 12 ways therapy can be helpful in navigating life.

1. How you talk to yourself – therapy can provide tools on how to use positive self-talk.
2. How you react to others – therapy can help you align your emotions so they do not negatively impact your behaviors.
3. How you structure your time – therapy can help you identify ways you may be spending useless energy and time on things that do not add to your overall, daily productivity and well-being.
4. How to create your space – healthy boundaries in every area of your life are important to avoid emotional, spiritual, physical and mental fatigue.
5. How to ask for help – this can be a struggle for everyone, yet therapy starts the process of learning how to ask for help and from others in your life.
6. How to say yes and no – therapy can help with not feeling guilty for saying “no” or “yes” when you absolutely need and have to.
7. How to take care of you – therapy can provide tools on how to practice meaningful self-care with a lasting impact that can be used time and time again.
8. How to be honest with yourself and others – it can be hard to face yourself and admit certain truths, but therapy provides a safe space for being honest and self-exploration that can be freeing for you and others in your life.
9. How to channel your grief – a therapist can help guide you through the stages of grief in a healthy way.
10. How to manage racing thoughts – therapy can provide a safe space to release those racing thoughts and process in a healing way.
11. How to deal with regrets – therapy can show you how to be mindful, thankful and live in the present while accepting the past as it is – the past.
12. How to have a healthy relationship with your body and food – therapy can help you identify loving ways to treat your body not based on food.

​I encourage you to think of ways therapy can be helpful for you.

I am in clinical supervision for my license in professional counseling (LPC). Supervision can be costly and it can be hard to identify the right “fit” for a clinical supervisor.

I contacted LCSWs and LMFTs, but after learning their prices, location and availability, I decided to get all of my hours with a LPC. The particular LPC I found offered group supervision after work hours. I utilized her group supervision only because I could not afford her for individual clinical supervision. Upon our initial contact, I asked questions about the process, yet very little was asked of me.

After attending several months of group supervision, I felt as though I was missing something. The office was fancy and my peers were very nice, yet I walked away adding nothing to my professional growth or development as a therapist. When I had questions, response via email was hardly ever returned until the day I ended our business relationship. I also learned that although I enjoyed the peers I met during that time, group supervision was not for me. Last, I was not simply looking for someone to sign off on my paperwork. In this case, I was not getting my money’s worth.

I started my search again. This time, I searched LinkedIn and Psychology Today. I was a little bit more adept at identifying what I needed in a clinical supervisor. I started asking people I knew in the field if they knew of licensed professionals that were offering clinical supervision. I was given several lists. While going through the lists, I had to break down them into manageable pieces of information that would help me find the right “fit.”

I considered these 6 things:

1. Location – Where is the office located? I knew I was not willing to travel too far.
2. Time – What day(s) of the week are they available for 2 hours?
3. Area of expertise – Is this person a LPC? I was not willing to complete half my hours with a LMFT or LCSW.
4. Money – How much can I afford per hour?
5. Setting – Does this person offer individual clinical supervision? I was not willing to do group supervision.
6. Expectations – If I have questions outside of supervision, can I contact them via phone, text &/or email and how often? In what other ways can this professional relationship help me grow professionally and personally?
   
   

Since ending my initial experience, I found a clinical supervisor that provides me with what I need professionally and personally. I made sure to state my expectations upfront regarding my needs. I then asked about their expectations. The location is close to work and home. We meet weekly during the early mornings for two hours. If I cannot make my scheduled day and time, there are other hours available for me. I am challenged professionally and mentally in a healthy way. I am always assigned tasks to ponder, read and bring back to supervision for additional insight and discussion. I am given space to lead the flow of my clinical supervision. Constructive feedback is always provided. Most of all, the supervisor/supervisee relationship is very humanistic.

What are some characteristics you look for in clinical supervision and supervisor?
First published on LinkedIn - 4/4/17

My quest to finding a mentor was not easy. I would identify women whom I thought would be a “good” fit, but for many reasons, they were not. I did not have all the answers during the first couple of times I met with several potential mentors, but I learned to at least have these basics ready for discussion. We both had to be clear on the amount of time we were both willing to put into the mentor/mentee relationship. We both had to be clear on what we had to offer each other. After all, the mentor/mentee relationship is a two-way street.
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I have used LinkedIn and professional conferences to identify potential mentors. I was told NO and would often take it personal. Although it was a letdown to my ego, it turned out to not be the end of the world. In the long run, those rejections saved me time and mental anguish from a professional relationship that would have added nothing to my success.   

I learned that having a mentor is just one piece to my success. Instead, I have surrounded myself with people that represent where I would like to be – today, tomorrow, 5 or 10 years from now. The 6 Essential People You Need in Your Network, (Bucklan, 2014) are:

1. A financial Guru – someone that is financial savvy
2. The Connector – someone that makes introductions and connections in your network
3. The Mentor – someone that inspires you
4. The Innovator – someone that keeps on top of the latest trends in your field
5. The Leader – someone that is a leader in your industry
6. The Frenemy – someone that provides friendly competition

Bucklan (2014) suggest that you want to assemble a diverse group of talent that is known as “social capital” in order for your network to really have an impact on your success. It is great to have a social media presence and “friends” in your circle, but quality counts over quantity.  

Having these six types of people in my life has allowed me a well-rounded journey to success.

Do you have any of these people in your circle?
​First published on LinkedIn - 4/1/17